Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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