Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
