when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
