puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
