so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
