soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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