he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
