1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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