dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
