I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
