I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
