He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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