You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
