do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize