piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
