peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
