just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize