I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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