my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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