pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
