Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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