I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
