Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
