my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
