Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
