If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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