im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
