I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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