Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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