i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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