paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
