well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
