Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
