My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who put my cat in the fridge?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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