just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
