Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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