he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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