The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
