just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
