dude i'm inner monologue high
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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