how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
