it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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