I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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