you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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