Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
