I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
