Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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