I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
