i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
