areolas are like halos for boobs.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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