if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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