I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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