Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize