I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
