its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize