walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
