The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
