I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
