i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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