i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
