Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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