haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
