Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
