the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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