I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize