allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
