I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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