I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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