We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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