I faked an abortion last night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
