The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
