i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
