what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
