good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
