Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
