I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
