im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
