blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
