You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
