I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
