he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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