Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
