Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize