if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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