Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
