I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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