I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
