Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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