Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
