Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
