he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
