You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
