five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
