i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
