I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
