I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she peed on how many people?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
