My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
