it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
